Nate's Thoughts

That D Word

Posted on Wed 11/19/08 in Random

I know it’s been forever since I’ve written one…not like my 2 readers care anyways…

So….

Tonight I was sitting in Axis listening to Johnny Hill bring the word to the youth. He spoke on serving and it really spoke to me on a few of the points. For some reason, I thought “Hey I need to do a blog entry tonight”, so here I am. Of course, it’s totally irrelevant to what he spoke on.

What I want to talk about is dating. Totally random but for some reason I felt like talking about it.

I don’t think any 10 year olds are reading this so go back to when you were 10 years old and the other gender didn’t have any type of cooties (seriously I just found it once I searched google to make sure I spelled cooties right). I imagine for most of us thinking back to when we were 10, we were attracted to little Suzy or little Billy. For the guys, we always thought that little Suzy could play sports so good, that we were going to marry someone like that. For the girls, you thought little Billy was so “manly” (as a 10 yr old) but also nice. Of course, he was good at all sports and had multiple girls that liked him. At that point, we wanted little Suzy or little Billy to be our girlfriend or boyfriend. At that time, having a boyfriend or girlfriend was just a title for when you were at school…you never went out or went over to her house. Looking back, you laugh at those days. Very little emotional attachment.

Now fast-forward to when you were 15. You were probably a sophomore in high school and thought you were so cool because you have your permit to drive. You showed off your picture on your permit (unless it was so awful, then you hid it and didn’t brag) to everyone. At this point, probably 50% of your friends were “dating.” Dating at 15 ranged from more-or-less just titles all the way to calling your boyfriend/girlfriend “my future spouse.” If the latter, you started to plan what colleges you and your love interest were going to attend and what you were going to do once out of college. You were emotionally attached to the person and just knew they were “the one.” Looking back now, you don’t keep up with that person and laugh that you thought it was so serious. Dating was just the “cool” thing to do. Peer pressure and cute attractions probably caused you to “date.” There is lots of emotional attachment here. When you broke up, you were hurt for days maybe even weeks. You can recall those hurts and disappointments even now, 10 years later. Probably some laughter is associated with those hurts, it was pretty childish looking back now.

Now fast forward to when you were 18. You just graduated high school and started college. You thought you were the coolest because you had freedom (or at least what you thought was freedom).

If you haven’t dated prior to 18, you were either in one of two positions. First, your parents told you that you couldn’t until after high school because of ~95% of relationships in high school don’t last past the first year of college and they want you to focus on school (smart parents for the record). Or second, there wasn’t anyone worthy of dating and you didn’t want to waste that time.

You can definitely have a serious relationship (very good chance of marriage) at 18 if you are mature and responsible but still lots of these don’t last. If you had not dated yet, you figured you needed to at least test the waters to see how dating was done so when you were 21 and finally got “the one” you didn’t seem like such a dating novice. I know I had these thoughts. Or you just wanted to be like your best friend and date some random person you thought was cute and fun to hang with. Hopefully it was just hanging out and nothing more.

In this stage, you shared all your dreams with THAT person, you told them you love them like no one else, you had your heart set on marriage and when that never materialized and you broke up, you were broken. It took awhile to regain yourself. It hurt, you can’t describe that kind of hurt at that time. Now it’s memories but not much more than that. They might be considered “your first love.”

When you reached 21, you probably thought that you were ready to be married NOW. You started to set a timeline on marriage.
Thoughts: “I have to be married in the next 2 years or else…”, “If I wait much longer there won’t be that many choices left”, etc. Now you find “the one”.
It’s serious and you see yourself getting married and living with them the rest of your life. Something happens and it doesn’t work out as previously thought. It hurts and you start to think that you might never be able to find true love. You practically gave the other person part of your heart. You spilled out all your dreams, all your hurts, your whole story. They know everything and more about you. It’s hard to imagine being that close to someone and not being married. It hurts.

Now my dating story…
blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada blank nada

Yep, that’s my story. I’ve never dated anyone. I’ve gotten close to dating, but nope. The older and older I get (all 24.9 years), the more happy I am that I haven’t dated. Now don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind already having found the one and being married, but that hasn’t happened. What I’ve witnessed is written above in those dating breakdowns by age. I’ve seen the guys and the girls hurt by break-ups. In reality, most high school relationships don’t make it to marriage. Why date when you still have to decide on colleges? Don’t decide on college based on your boyfriend or girlfriend’s decision.

At first I didn’t want to date because why waste my money on a girl who I know I’m not going to marry. That was then and now I think there is no point in dating unless I got very serious thoughts that she can be the one. I’m talking praying about it and thinking on it hard and talking to people you respect.

Be friends with the person first, hang out with them in groups. You can see their real self in those settings. Being in a “serious” or serious relationship is hard. Like previously mentioned, you are giving it your all, you tell everything to that person…your hurts, your loves, your life, your everything. And when it doesn’t work out, it is horrible. It takes a healing process and time before you can even think about liking or dating someone. If you don’t take time, your next relationship is going to have baggage. No way around it.

In the end, don’t date unless you seriously can see yourself with them and you’ve prayed about it and asked others’ opinions. If it doesn’t work out, it hurts and it’s more painful that you can even imagine.